Rahi: Welcome to Organic Sexuality, where we explore the restoration of pleasure, the reclamation of sexual sovereignty, and the realization of our embodied sexual nature. An invitation to honor the pleasures of your body by embodying the pleasures of your nature. I'm your host, Rahi Chun. I'm a certified somatic sex educator, a sexological bodyworker, and creator of somatic sexual Wholeness. In today's episode with Darshana Avila, we explore how trauma-informed somatics and consent practices can unlock and unleash the erotic life force living in a sa as a force of healing, empowerment, and activism. We discuss her four phases of erotic liberation regulation, receiving, allowing, and expressing and liberating eros, and how each phase opens the erotic into deeper intimacy and authenticity. We unpack why receiving can be radical, how desire smuggling, undermines trust, and why reclaiming our erotic power is essential to both personal fulfillment and collective liberation. Before the interview, a few announcements. The three keys to genital disarming for reclaiming and expanding pleasure will open for early bird registration on November 1st for the next cohort starting on January 14th. This year will be the first time certification with supervision will be offered for graduates of the live in-person genital disarming training happening here in Los Angeles in April. All details will be announced@rahihun.com. And now let's welcome Darshana

Rahi: I'm very, very excited today to invite Darshana Avila, um, to the podcast. Um, so a little introduction about Darshana and then, uh, there's so much I want to get into today. So, Darshana holds a sacred space for the intersection of pleasure, power, and purpose. A core aspect of their work, erotic wholeness is understanding that eroticism is so much more than sexuality alone, and I really look forward to digging into that. Um, they're often referred to as an intimacy bestie or erotic wholeness guide. Uh, she serves at the intersection of trauma healing and erotic embodiment explorations, working with a deep and wide toolbox of practices and knowledge from the diverse fields of somatic experiencing neuroaffective, touch sexological body work, and Somatica. Darshana, I thanks so much for being on the podcast today.

Darshana: Thank you for having me here and for doing such a great job with the intro. I'm like, I'm excited about me,

Rahi: . Well, I, yes, I was very excited. I mean, you know, when I went to your website and just real, I mean, we've known each other for years now, but, um, you know, just in, in kind of updating my knowledge base about how your work has evolved and, and with your offerings, I saw in your bio that you actually, in your adult young adulthood, spent a decade in corporate America with thoughts of becoming a lawyer. And so, you know, as I love, as a jumping off point, I always ask guests like, how in the world did you go from a decade in corporate America thinking about becoming a lawyer? Which I can actually see because you're so well studied, you know, but then that other part of you that is so intuitive and embodied, like what were the critical kind of events in your life that brought you to holding such an exquisite space that you do for sacred sexual embodiment?

Darshana: Yeah. Um, very fair questions. I would be curious too, because most people who meet me now, when, if they find out that I had that past chapter, they're like, huh, make that make sense. . What happened there was I actually did my final semester of undergrad living in Chile. Wow. And I had gone to, I had gone to learn Spanish. I had gone to immerse myself in a different culture. That was something that I always was really clear on wanting. Um, and what I didn't know that I was signing up for was living in Chile for two years, um, getting a job straight outta college there, and getting a husband in the process .

Darshana: So I lived there, um, in my early twenties, and by the time I came back to the US the thought of putting myself back in academia felt really like, whoa, what do I do with that now that I've had some life experience? And, and I was also falling deeply, deeply in love with yoga at the time. And, and that was my gateway drug, if you will, um, to the path that I walked and the life that I now live. And so I, at the peak of things was like had a six figure corporate career where I would get on planes mm-hmm . And negotiate multimillion dollar deals with my clients, and then I'd be teaching six yoga classes a week. Wow. And I was deeply drawn to the devotional and the philosophical side of yoga. So even though it was a physical practice for me, it, it really became the, one of the first deep spiritual awakenings that I had was, was through the lens of all that I was blessed to, to learn, to study, to immerse in.

Darshana: And I mean, there's a lot of chapter in between that and where we are today, which I can talk about, you know, if you wanna know. But that, that was the early origin story. I quit the corporate job. I decided I was gonna hang up my shingle in the coaching world. I did not necessarily set out initially for that to be focused on sex and intimacy, but it became very clear very quickly that that was where my passion lied. Where my service is really deepest and greatest and what life wants from me. And I really do believe that, you know, it's, I am someone who who does feel that we each have a soul's purpose. Not everyone is meant to have their soul's purpose actualized through their profession. Right. So there are many, many different ways that we might live in accordance with whatever it is we're uniquely here to do. And for me, it just happened that it did dovetail with my professional path. So here we are.

Rahi: Yeah. Well, you know, it's really interesting darsana, because I, I, I find it unique and, and also appreciate practitioners that have this equal balance of, of, um, trauma training and training in, in, in the erotic. And you certainly have, you know, um, you know, kind of a, a multiple array of exposure to both somatic experiencing is such an in-depth somatic trauma training. Neuroaffective touch really focuses on, you know, what childhood infant deficits, you know, show up in the body as, as guarding an armor Somatica is, is really about relational intimacy, uh, also somatic based and then sexological body work. You know, I'd, I'd love to know, in, in your work, I, I'm guessing by this time it's be, it's like all interwoven in how you hold space, but I'm wondering if you could give us some examples, because our audience may not be as familiar with some of these, you know, neuro Affective touch or Somatica. Are there certain instances when you're working with clients where you find that you're l leaning more, uh, on your neuroaffective touch training or more on the somatic training, the somatic experiencing as opposed to the sexological bodywork?

Darshana: Yeah, I mean, it, you're correct in that these are all very much blended and fused together more often than not in how I hold space and guide. And the two things that I could add in, in, like, answer to your question, I, I guide clients through a progression always, if, if you're going to work with me, it's because you're really invested in yourself in, in a profound transformational journey. And so the phases of that journey begin with things that are more nervous system regulation focused. And, and so that right there definitely has a foundation of somatic experiencing and neuro effecti touch in that we're exploring in ways that, that are designed to help you feel a felt sense of safety, receptivity, openness. And for me, there's no way that I could responsibly and thoroughly take someone into the depths of their eroticism without that as the foundation.

Darshana: So it's to say that often we begin more on what technically speaking is the trauma end of the spectrum, whether or not someone identifies as having over trauma, I'm simply pulling in tools that I have from that facet of my professional lens to create the container, to create the foundation. And then depending upon the particulars of what somebody is coming in with, whether I'm working with an individual, working with a couple, we might continue into more overt trauma-informed exercises and practices all throughout, even as we're bringing in things that are more sexuality focused, that that, that are more arousal focused, that are more about partnered intimacy, if it's in that realm. Um, so, so yeah, there, there can be moments where I'm absolutely centering more of one modality or more of one lens. And very often it's that, that that kind of flowing between and always holding it in a trauma informed and culturally sensitive way, whatever we're up to. Mm-hmm

Rahi: . Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm . Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah. I noticed the four phases that you guide your clients through in your intensives. Um, phase one regulation and relationship phase two, open to receiving phase three, allowing and expressing in order to get to liberating Eros stage four. So it's really intentionally layered. And from what I can see really, um, you know, with such conscientiousness, it's like they really do build on each other, you know, and those of us in the field know that without the nervous system really feeling safe, uh, you know, the, those other building blocks really, um, have nothing to stand on. Can you help? Right. Yes. Can you help our audience , um, when with phase two and phase three open to receiving? Yeah. Can you speak to the role that clients pass conditioning ha plays in, in one's receptivity and openness to, to pleasure and arousal?

Darshana: Absolutely. Yeah. So, given that the vast majority of my clients are cis women, or they are people who are assigned female at birth, but maybe don't identify as a woman presently mm-hmm . The, the cultural conditioning is a default of people pleasing. And so that is rooted in over giving, it's rooted in, you know, really suppressing and subsuming your own boundary preference, desire, need in any given moment so that you are taking care of other. Mm-hmm. And when it comes to the, like, to explorations of eroticism, and in particular when it comes to partnered sexual intimacy, many of us actually are not very good at receiving because we're oriented to taking care of the other person and or being an object of the other person's pleasure, regardless of whether or not we actually are having a pleasurable time ourselves. Mm-hmm . So a very foundational piece, and that's why this is like the second phase of the journey that I guide folks through is rooted and, and all credit to Betty Martin and, um, who's the founder of the Wheel of Consent, a body of work that I lean very, very heavily into.

Darshana: And honestly, I feel like if every elementary school student mm-hmm . Was getting an education in the wheel of consent, we would be living in a much more beautiful world. It's, it's not complicated, but it is, it is so integral to how we really understand the dynamics of any kind of exchange of touch, of intimacy and beyond touch between two or more people. And so I, I spend time, um, helping people to really understand what it is to be a good receiver mm-hmm . How, how it's essential. Because if, if, you know, like most of us, actually, and I'm, I, when I say most of us, I'm now speaking in a very general and generic way, regardless of gender. I think most of us, deep inside, when we care about another person and we care about the experience we're having, we want to give well mm-hmm . Right.

Darshana: However, it, that is only gonna ever go so far if the other person isn't capable of receiving. Right. So, so , so it, it, it, it's like trying, you know, it's, it is trying to pour into something that's blocked and it's just gonna splash back at you. It it can't actually make its way in. Right. So many of my clients are really high functioning. They're, they're super capable. They've had a lot of success in other aspects of their lives. They've done deep self-exploration and personal growth work, and yet when it comes to their intimate lives, they don't know how to allow, they don't know how to receive. And those terms are similar and not identical. I, I, I won't go into an in-depth analysis of the wheel of consent, but it's to say that many of us have that block, many of us have the stopper in our bottle, as it were mm-hmm .

Darshana: And so this is about helping people to be able to take that, that stopper out intentionally, consensually, and from an empowered place, knowing that it's not going to just render them defenseless, choiceless at the whim of some other person. Rather, that it's possible to do this in a way where you're really creating very, like, thoughtful and mutually satisfying exchanges with people. So if what you want is to ultimately get really expansive in your erotic expression, your orgasmic capacity, like whatever it might be, that that is, is kind of like your upper end of why you would seek to work with me or somebody like you. I imagine it's very similar. Um, you know, we can't go there if you don't have receptivity as part of your foundation mm-hmm . And you can't have receptivity without relaxation and a relaxed nervous system, or a regulated nervous system, which is why this progression is, is organized as such.

Darshana: And for some people it's swift. It doesn't actually take all that much time to move through these first few phases. And for other people, like I have clients who I worked with over years because there was significant trauma in their history, and the work of regulation and receptivity was not a quick process because that really is the deep healing that was needed. Yet what I've witnessed in those instances is when we really do service to that, what can open up on the other side is like beyond their wildest dreams. And, and it's, it's just like, it's the most gratifying experience as a practitioner, um, to watch someone discover themselves in a way that they really didn't believe they could. Mm-hmm .

Rahi: Yeah. It's pretty magical in the unpredictability of every soul and every kind of like, embodied life force and how it finds itself, you know, I mean, what you're speaking to, uh, you know, reflects how some people, when their nervous system just starts to feel safe, like kind of the other pieces fall in the sh in into place as opposed to other people where they might come already regulated and they really need to learn how to self attune or ask for what they want, or, you know, allow themselves to surrender to the pleasure. It's, it's such a, um, just unique journey for everyone. It's, it's amazing. Mm-hmm . Um, yeah, Darshana, I, I really appreciate what you underscored about working with, um, uh, bodies that were assigned at female at birth and the conditioning, you know, the really severe conditioning that I don't feel like is really talked about that much. You know, even within nervous system, uh, regulation modalities, people talk about, you know, fight, flight, freeze, but not fawn so much. And it is, it's kind of an epidemic. I feel like how, you know, certain communities are, you know, uh, and, and women or, you know, bodies assigned at birth as female are rewarded, expected, and really e even examples of fawning left and right. When you're kind of attuned to it, you see it everywhere.

Darshana: And it's tricky because in a , I mean, it's tricky on somebody else. Mm-hmm. , um, you know, when we're talking about the, the heteronormative dominant cultural conditioning mm-hmm. Like, you know, it's, and, and also let's, let's, let me use the example of speaking about for straight women mm-hmm. Women. So women who, who want to be or are in partnership with men and perhaps really want their male partners dominance or, or directionality, assertiveness. Like, so, so there, there's this interesting thing where like, is it okay to want another person to lead? Sure. But, but is it also okay, like, how do I do that from a place of my own power and preferences being woven into that and it actually being a consent based negotiation as opposed to just going along with someone else's agenda. Right. And many of us have spent years upon, years upon years of our lived experience doing the latter.

Darshana: We've gone along, we've allowed our male partners to be the ones who supposedly know more about our bodies mm-hmm . Or are the ones who are responsible for making the bids for connection. So, so it's not to vilify men in this equation. Like there's actually a lot of pressure placed on y'all, like to, you know, if we're talking about like a very heteronormative dynamic here where the guy should ask you out on the date, and, and the guy should, should facilitate the foreplay and dah, dah, dah, dah. And it's like, well, what I, what I know working with many straight couples, I, I don't tend to work with men individually all that often these days. Mm-hmm . But, but I do work with, with, you know, male female couples, men, women, couples, and a lot of times the men feel like damned if they do, damned if they don't because they're in a seat where the expectation is that they initiate, but they partners not actually giving them insight and information into how they would like this to happen.

Darshana: Because she's spent much of her time, and I'm gonna go back to what you just said about in, in a threat response state of appeasement mm-hmm . And the most common thing that I would say clients come to me with is the, like, the, the, if, if we're gonna talk about it as the quote unquote problem they're looking to solve is, I don't know what I like, nevermind how to ask for it. Right. And, you know, appeasing, fawning, that that's, those words have a little bit more of a negative connotation. I want to, for the sake of having a real balanced moment of this dialogue here, I also wanna include that there is a, a more benevolent spin on that, which is tend and befriend mm-hmm . You know, so, so, so it's not always a bad thing when we, when we seek to kind of collude with another person or, or to, to create cohesion and coherence with another person.

Darshana: Like, these are not terrible things. It's not, none of this is to say that you should never just go along with what your partner wants. Mm-hmm . But it should be a choice. Mm-hmm . Not a default. Mm-hmm . And, and it, it is, but it, it's everyone involved, you know? So if we're talking about a dyad, each person has a responsibility for knowing themselves, having the capacity to accurately and, and, and authentically represent, this is what I'm available for, this is what I like, this is what I don't, and then negotiations can happen. Yeah. And many of the people that I'm supporting, which is representative of, I'm sure many of you listening, and many of us just kind of move about life. Like, we don't really know and we don't feel confident to say, touch me like this, slow this down. Actually, what I would like to do is make out not have penetrative intercourse, like, you know, to be specific, uh, you know, in, in giving guidance to our partner, which I don't know, I, I imagine rahi you'll, you'll know this as a, as a practitioner, it, it's like nothing pleases me more than when a client tells me what, what feels good to them.

Darshana: Because then I'm not guessing when it comes to my lovers, nothing pleases me more than having a, a a partner who, who is really able to say, that doesn't feel good to me. Because then I trust that when they are showing signs of pleasure, I'm like, okay, we're hitting the mark here. It's so relaxing mm-hmm . To know that we can really take someone's Yes, no, I like it. I don't like it at face value and explore together. From there, it opens up just so much more spaciousness and creativity and, and deliciousness in the relating

Rahi: . Yeah. And I imagine, so the phase three, so after regulation relationship, there's the open to receiving and the phase three of allowing and expressing, I'm imagining darsana that, that a lot of that is really cultivated, those muscles are developed in that phase. Because, you know, to your point, like, you know, a lot of my clients wanna be dominated and devoured and, you know, taken, you know, but then they don't know how to communicate how exactly. And if it's kind of going off the tracks, they don't know how to engage in a safe word or a safe gesture, or, you know, slow down and, and, and then it's like, okay, I was devoured, but that wasn't kind of what I imagined it would be.

Darshana: Yep. And, and I, I'll speak from my experience on the receiving end, right. Like on the allowing end as much as someone who facilitates. So, you know, I have been exploring in the world of kink for many, many years. Mm-hmm. And so when we talk about like, dominance and devouring and things like that, like I, I have spent a lot of time on , what we call the right side of the slash in a more submissive role in my personal and even in professional context. Like, I have worked with practitioners to explore this for myself. And the only way that it works is with clear consent. Mm-hmm . The only way that whoever I'm playing with, whoever I'm exploring with can really take me where I wanna go, right? Is when I myself have given them enough insight into it. Now, this doesn't mean that we have to always be able to say with exact precision, what I would like you to do is A, then B, then C and d and have it like perfectly choreographed.

Darshana: It's more that we are trustworthy to our partners when it comes to representing ourselves as best we know ourselves. When we are confident in using our voice, when we're not going to just go ahead and put on, you know, the mask of, of like, okay, this is good enough, so I'll just be quiet. Um, you, you can't have true safety without the trust to communicate honestly. And so, so much of this, you know, that third phase of the journey, what, what shifts in how I'm working with my clients is in, in phase two receiving puts my client in the driver's seat as it were, which is to say that they're responsible for telling me what they want before I give it to them. So in a wheel of consent model that's more serving and accepting, I am of service to them, and they are accepting my service, and I've given them a lot of guidance and information so that they have vocabulary and, and they have a container and a practice to be able to convey to me the things that they would like to try and emphasis on the word try, because it's always all an experiment.

Darshana: Sure. You like something, do more of it. You don't shift it up, you know, maybe it's a hard boundary forever, maybe it's a, hmm, maybe just a little modification right now. And this would be great. You know, there's a lot of range of possibility when we go into the third phase. I take the driver seat, which is to say that I then facilitate experiences using the expertise and the technique and the energy that I embody and that I get to bring to the table. But I'm doing it in base of everything I've learned about my client's preferences and boundaries already. So I trust them. I also trust in their capacity to say, pause if they need it to pause, to say stop if they need it to stop. We've discussed what these words mean. We've, we've really set the container with a lot of clarity.

Darshana: They feel at ease. I feel at ease. And what ends up happening is that many of my clients find a depth of sensation and emotion and intensity that they had no idea they were capable of experiencing. It is a very common occurrence on my table for a client to have a huge orgasm and then burst into tears that are just like welling up from the depths of all the undifferentiated grief and suppressed emotion that they've carried, because they've never actually felt safe enough to have it flow on with, without, you know, without containing. And, and that is only possible because of all the work that we've done to build up that safety and to create trust between us. And it's a very liberating experience. You know, someone listening, if, if you're, if you hear that and you're like, oh God, I don't want that. Like, it's, it's, it's seldom as, as heavy and negative as, as you might imagine it, it's usually very cathartic.

Darshana: And, and it's, it's a weight lifted because this is something that has been held in the body for such a long time. Um, even while you might be going through the motions of sexual encounters and intimate experiences of many different sorts, never really feeling like it was like the conditions were aligned to be able to go to that depth. And, and then all of a sudden the possibility is laid out before you. And it really is revolutionary, um, to, to be able to experience that facet of your own aliveness. And, and I'm emphasizing aliveness here as a, a word that I use synonymously with, with aero and eroticism, because it is my belief that our erotic energy is life force energy. And so whether we're in the heights of ecstasy or the depths of agony, it's erotic. It, it, it, it moves us, it animates us. It's passionate, it's dynamic. Uh, you know, so it, it could be grief, it could be joy, it's arrows .

Rahi: Well, it's the very thing that allows for deliberation of arrows to occur. I mean, what you're describing to me sounds, you know, just that cathartic release of grief and emotion that's been stagnant, you know, in the channel sounds really euphoric and liberating, and it allows for that life force to meet itself. So, you know, I, I see each of the, the phases that, that you use to hold space to be really, really intelligently, um, sequenced and necessary for the next level to actually occur. So once again, for the listeners regulation and relationship, really letting, bringing safety and trust to the nervous system open to receiving, right? Because as we shared, there's so much past conditioning in our society about what is allowed, what is permissible, what is, you know, what what leads to shame or punishment. The third phase allowing and expressing, which is so key because we, we want the eros that we liberate to be exactly what our deepest desires tied and led by our deepest desires. So it's, it's so really, really wonderful. I, I wanna ask you something Darna, and I'm curious because in, in regards to the, the conditioning that we see, uh, hetero couples, tell me, I'm really, I'd love to know, when you work with couples, lesbian couples, like how do you see that conditioning, uh, around, uh, uh, plea and a piece play out when there are two that, you know, are kind of subjected to similar, you know, messages?

Darshana: Yeah. . Yeah. It's a fair question. And I do work with quite a number of lesbian couples mm-hmm . And, you know, both, both members of the partnership are female. And so what, what often, you know, the, the kind of stereotypical, but just because it's a stereotype doesn't mean it's not true. Um, the dynamic is, is like a, a hesitancy when it comes to initiating or to asserting clearly what I want. Um, there could be a lot of, like, I'm gonna borrow a term from, um, a dear friend, also somewhat of a colleague of mine, um, Marsha Bachinski, who teaches the will of consent among other things. Cool. Um, she's, she's one of Betty's right hand people. Um, but Marsha has this term desire smuggling, which is to say that, that like, if we know what it is that we want, we kind of package it up inside of something that we think our partner might be more receptive to instead of just coming out and saying what we want.

Darshana: And I see a lot of that go on in lesbian couples because it's like, okay, well maybe I'll take, you know, if I give you what you want, maybe I'll be able to squeeze my thing in on the end, right? And it's like, it's really, it. It's, I mean, and, and, and let's have a moment to be compassionate for the, and whether, whatever your sexual orientation is, dear listener, it's like, let's be compassionate for the fact that, again, what this is showing us is that most of us really do wanna take care of our partners. We wanna be a good, a good giver, a good lover, a good everything. But we don't realize how, when we're not being transparent and direct, we're actually undermining the trust and the safety that we seek mm-hmm . To create. So what I do very often in my work with, with lesbian couples, has a lot about it is really, and it's not different from if I work individually with women, what do you actually want?

Darshana: Becomes like the principle question. How do we create like a nice running list, if you will, of some reliable preferences mm-hmm . Some desires that you're, you're, you're actually feeling comfortable enough to explore, like, let's actually bank some information, right. About what you truly want so that you can then negotiate together and create opportunities where it may be a little bit of a compromise some of the time, right? It doesn't mean everybody's always getting things exactly their way, but that you can come together and co-create in ways that truly can feel mutually satisfying, and where the burden of initiating is not falling to just one partner, nor is the gatekeeping being held by one partner because those things happen. They, they coincide a lot. You know, one partner is making a bid for connection. Hey babe, like, how about we, we have some sexy time tonight. The other partner's like, oh, you know what? I'm really too tired. It's been a really busy day. And they're constantly like in this like pursuer and pushback, pursue and pushback dynamic. And so it's to help people like really recognize when that's going on and, and give them solid tools and guidance to come out of those default patterns and default roles, and really be more collaborative, more creative, and more trustworthy, um, in their explorations.

Rahi: That's really great. It, I love that you're creating this base of knowledge of what, what are the desires, identifying the patterns and, uh, uh, solutions to creating new patterns.

Darshana: And a lot of it is down to simply giving people vocabulary examples and permission. Sex. Sex is a word. Like I, I, I hate the word foreplay. . I, I wish it didn't exist, but I understand why it does, because of what you're speaking to. Like we, whatever our sexual orientation is, we hear the word sex, and most of us are defaulting to penis and vagina intercourse as, as our definition of that, because that is what we have been acculturated to. And so that is taking something that can be so wildly and vastly expansive and creative and narrowing it down to one specific act. It's, it is doing such a disservice to us when we speak in those kind of ways, you know? But if you talked about sex or lovemaking with a lot more specificity, actually got into some degree of detail about the particular acts that you're interested in, the roles that you wanna play, the ways that you wanna feel, the things that you have learned about your erotic expression that you would like to include, then it, again, it's like we, we take ourselves from, from this very narrow and immature way of relating into a wildly expansive and mature realm of possibility where, I mean, it, it, it's, it's endless, truly, it's infinite the ways that you can be creative in your expression then.

Darshana: So absolutely. That's what I hope, that's what I am devoted to guiding people toward. And, and I wanna say that it's not only because being creative about your sex is fun, you then are getting to know and claim more of yourself, who you are, what motivates you, what turns you on, what your superpowers are, and, and that's applicable in so many other aspects of life and different forms of relationship. So yes, we've spent a lot of time here speaking about what goes on in a sexual context, but this is never just limited to what's happening in the bedroom. You know, it, it has applications for every aspect of your life. And, and that's, for me, that's my big reason why I love doing this work, you know, is because this is about whole person transformation.

Rahi: Yeah. It's really fascinating how, I mean, I love that you use the word life force, because it really is life force. And you know, the work that we do, um, is around how the life force is expressed through sexual energy, but it really is our life force. And when the life force is liberated, you see the effects of it in the workplace and people's personal lives and, and all just how they walk, how they express themselves, how they exude. So I wanna ask you Darsana, because I know this is, uh, a really, uh, uh, core belief of yours, how liberating eroticism is a form of activism, and how with all of the, um, turmoil happening in our world and, and, and certainly in this country right now, how reclaiming or claiming or really devoting, you know, I, I love that it was a devotion to yoga that like really kind of put you on this path. How devotion to our eroticism is, is a form of activism.

Darshana: Yeah. Thanks for asking, because yes, that is something I am deeply passionate about. You know, it's my firm belief that our personal liberation is a service to our collective liberation. And what I mean then is when we do the work of decolonizing deconditioning, unlocking ourselves mm-hmm . Our life force energy, our true desires, preferences, boundaries, so on and so forth, we then have access to an intrinsic source of power. That is, I mean, and if we, if we kind of like take this backwards and, and consider the systems of oppression that we all exist in sight of, if we look at patriarchy and misogyny in particular, that that has very, very effectively sought to suppress feminine embodiment and feminine wisdom. And, and, and women in particular for, you know, ages upon ages upon ages and what's gone on there. Um, it fundamentally is a culture of disembodiment, right?

Darshana: So, so the, the methods of capitalism, the methods of patriarchy have very much been disconnect people from their bodies, and they become that much more pliable to serve the purposes of the powers that be. So when what we're talking about is fundamentally creating a culture of embodiment, and we're, we're speaking about aeros in the broader sense as life force. It is about inhabiting your body, being connected to that vital energy, that creative energy, that energy that fuels passion, not only in a romantic or sexual sense, but in terms of your vocation, your calling, the causes that you support, the way that you show up in the face of injustice. Like we need access to that energy within us in order to be responsive to the trials of our time. Because everything we've spoken about really is how do you be present in your body? How do you stay connected to your truth?

Darshana: How do you tether yourself to your sense of personal power to be able to speak out what you want, what you don't, what you agree with, what you don't. Those things are just as relevant when we're talking about you in a precious moment with your beloved as they are when you are on the protest line or at the voting booth or whatever it might be. And so, one of the beautiful things is that when we cultivate practices and have the skills and the resources to really stay in good, healthy, balanced connection with our life force energy to be in our bodies, to tend our nervous systems, well, to have clarity about our limits and boundaries, to know I can give this much and now I need to step back and replenish so I return again. Like these are skills that, that are bound up in all of these sexual explorations that we've spoken about that translate to how we show up in, in our civic engagement, in our professional realm and whatever it might be.

Darshana: And us in response and being response able is we're at choice. We're thoughtful, we're intentional about what it is that I wanna do in the bedroom tonight with my sweetie w whether or not I'm gonna go to this protest, where I'm gonna put my dollars, what, what business entity I might be considering boycotting to align with my values. Like whatever your forms of activism may be. So these things really are deeply, deeply intertwined with one another. And the more we can have conversations that center that, um, the, the more people can, can really see that taking great care of yourself is, is not actually like a frivolous luxury. It's, it's an integral part of how we tend community and create culture and the more beautiful world that we know is possible.

Rahi: I feel like what you, what you shared in response, you know, really does exactly mirror the four phases. It's like the greater agency we have with our life force as individual beings. Um, it translates in, in via intimacy through being regulated, being open to receiving pleasure, speaking what our truth is, and, and letting that life force thrive. And those same kind of freedom to response, the ability to response in a, in a, in a response able way applies in the macrocosm as well. I think the correlations are really, really clear. Darsana, you have a, um, you have a retreat, an in-person retreat coming up in December, which looks really, really exciting. I wanted to ask you, you know, in envisioning holding space for this residential retreat, what was the inspiration for it and what are the core elements that you really wanted in designing this retreat for your clients to experience?

Darshana: Yeah. Well, this was born out of, if a moment of this is what I would want somebody to offer me, so I'm gonna create it, um, which is it, it is a chance to fill our cups up for those of us who have the privilege and, and the abundance of access to something that might feel a little more luxurious and pampering oriented. And also wanna make sure that we're really staying on purpose. It's striking the balance of the things that we just spoke of. So this is a, this is, I, I facilitate private retreats all the time for my clients, and this is the first time that I'm actually offering a multi-day group retreat. It's not a sexually focused experience, but it is very much about eroticism as life force. Um, the retreat is called radical rejuvenation Radical because if we're drawing, particularly, I stand on the shoulders of many black intersectional feminists in particular, in how my ideologies and understandings of, of all of these things we've discussed have been shaped and formed.

Darshana: And so, you know, you've got people like everyone from Audre Lorde to Adrian Marie Brown, like espousing the incredible necessity and value of rest, of pleasure of, of really staying plugged in to those things. Not because they are like a, a, a frivolous, optional thing, but because that is what fuels us to stay in the good fight. So this retreat is really a beautiful opportunity to get a very significant dose of being fed. Um, one of the things that I'm most excited about, I I, my love of food is vast. My love of good food is vast. And so I am, I am being partnered with by a chef who I know personally, um, who whose, whose business is the Liberation Supper Club. And she is going to be preparing like exquisite farm to table organic meals for us. We're gonna be immersed in beautiful nature and it's both a chance to really slow down and replenish, but also to be in thoughtful, in embodied exploration and conversation with like-minded beings about how are we cultivating the internal resources, the personal practices, the relationship skills and intelligence and the clarity about where we wanna channel all of, of our aliveness, um, in ways that are socially responsible and value aligned and, and really not just value aligned.

Darshana: I would say back to something I mentioned earlier, soul aligned. 'cause each of us, it, it is my belief like our soul is here for something in particular. And the more connected we can be to that, regardless of if it shows up as your vocation or not, the more satisfied we get to feel the more effective we are going to be, um, because there's resonance. So this is a weekend retreat, three days, two nights happening in beautiful Mill Valley, California, which is the San Francisco Bay area. We're about eight minutes from the ocean and eight minutes from the Redwood Forest at the gorgeous home. We're, we're occupying. I am. Mm-hmm . Thrilled for this and really excited to see who is leaning in. So thanks for giving me a chance to share about it and anybody who's interested and reach out and I'd be happy to discuss it more.

Rahi: Yeah, it looked really, um, enticing and inviting and rejuvenation. Like it looked really, really rejuvenating. 'cause you're out in nature. You're, I mean, it seems like it's very, like, it's designed to rejuvenate all of the intuitive and instinctive like responses of the body, you know, with amazing food Yeah. Somatic practices. You're out in nature. Um, darna how can people find you and learn more about your offerings?

Darshana: Yeah, so my website is a wonderful place to go. Darna avila.com. Um, you can find me at darna daron avila on Instagram. I do have a YouTube channel that I'll be totally transparent in saying I go through phases with how much new content is there, but YouTube does have a lot of content if you're interested in more of like a learning environment. Um, and I have a free online community space for, for women and afab folks called gsm. And that too has a ton of free resources for you to be able to move through self-paced content to support your own journey, as well as to cultivate more of a sense of community. I'm in there so you get direct and interaction with me. Um, yeah. And so it's options. You know, my, my private practice is absolutely the way to get the, the deep diving transformation guided by yours truly. And then there are other ways where depending upon where you are and the arc of your journey that you can lean in. So everyone's welcome and I would let me know that you heard me on Raj's podcast. I love knowing where people have found me from and we can connect

Rahi: wonderful, wonderful, um, Darna, I really, uh, admire and so respect the, the depth of, uh, trauma-informed somatic training that you, that you interweave with the erotic and uh, and the activism. I think they all like really, um, you know, are seamless. And I think the way you you present the work and the wisdom and hold space for it is, is fantastic. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Darshana: Thank you. And I appreciate that. I take it as a high compliment given your experience and the work that you do. So thanks so much for the chance to share about it together. You're

Rahi: So welcome.

Rahi: How is this episode landing in your body right now? Can you feel in your body how deep erotic expansion is directly correlated to the safety felt in your nervous system? Can you feel any of your life force energy feeling trapped or confined within your body that's asking for liberation? And if so, how might you bring regulation, receiving, allowing and expressing to your body intimately for the collective liberation of us? All links to Darshan as world can be found in the show notes. Until next time, take good care.